P

I've invented a new superhero. I do this quite often. I've built up quite the array of deep, complex, original characters.

You might remember The Human Lull, Ad Infinitum, Paul Instructon, The Khaki Dynamo and the ever-popular Bike Brigade. I'm more prolific than Stan Lee. I haven't managed to turn these into multimillion dollar franchises yet, but that's just because I'm not very good at drawing faces, henchmen, or attention to myself.

The basis is there, though. Upon this foundation, a mighty publishing empire shack may be erected. The shack will be built of ideas, carpeted in money and will contain an en suite bathroom of wonder.

And now a new legend can be added to my impressive pantheon: Ross Phosphorus.

As with the rest of my creations, I haven't really got any specific details to go along with a name. I think he's Scottish, and I think he's quite dour. The dullness of his personality will contrast with his powers, which involve a lot of glow-based attacks.

Apparently, phosphorus compounds are used in a lot of fertilisers. So he can do that too: grow things. Maybe he can grow himself. Though that may be diluting the concept.

His primary villain may or may not be the nefarious Professor Parasol (because of the whole 'blocking out light' thing).

I'm not saying he'll be the new Spider-Man. But there has to be a market there somewhere. It's just so fun to say Ross Phosphorus in a Scottish accent. Go on - try it.

You see?

Kids will be doing that all over the world. But not in Scotland, because they're no longer amused by their own accent. Also the character will be poorly researched and will only include the most obvious Scottish stereotypes (the wearing of onions, and cars).

As I said, I can't draw, but I've produced a decent mock-up. I think you'll get the idea:

 

I'm inspired already.

There are a lot of merchandising options, too. Kids like night-lights and torches and fertiliser. Parents love parasols.

The demographics are literally two.

I'll get working on the first issue. I think his origin will have something to do with phosphorus.

I can smell the money already. Mmm. (By the way, this blog post constitutes a trademark/copyright, so hands off!)

On another day, this post could be eighteen pages long, with a full outline of story arcs and supporting cast (hint: Phosphorusty The Robot).

But this isn't another day. This is this day. On this day, I have nothing more to give.