Tinkle d'Ivoire

In light of the dwindling elephant population, having a country called the Ivory Coast seems quite insensitive. You might as well rename Dachau 'Jew Soap City'.

I was going to tweet the above earlier (or a cut-down version of it). But I decided not to. I like my tweets to be reasonably well researched, and internally consistent. But this one raises far too many questions.

Let's get a few technical difficulties out of the way first:

1) The Ivory Coast should really be Côte d'Ivoire. As this is common knowledge (and not particularly indecipherable), I should have used it. I thought the Ivory link should be strong, though.

2) Dachau is technically a town, not a city. The renaming project would have required the building of a cathedral. To be honest, that might be the straw that broke the (already preposterous) camel's back

3) I wasn't sure if Côte d'Ivoire was named because of its role in the ivory trade. I assume it was, but maybe things are just really white there. Or full of pianos and Mahjong.

Then there are some more philosophical considerations:

4) Is it offensive? The bluntness of 'Jew Soap City' is a little jarring. Maybe I shouldn't be invoking such a tragedy in a seemingly trivial tweet.

It's also interesting that the use of the singular 'Jew' almost seems like a slur in itself. It's a testament to the power of anti-semitism, pro-semitism, and the revulsion at the Holocaust, that a simple noun can carry such weight.

5) Is comparing the hunting of elephants for ivory to the Holocaust an offensive idea? I wouldn't agree with such a comparison in reality, but I'm sure there are many animal rights activists who would see them as equivalent disasters. They're idiots, but they exist. If I'd tweeted this, I might have been viewed as such an idiot by the people who follow me on Twitter (ie spambots and lonely people). It would be a shame.

6) Is the elephant population really dwindling? I have no idea. I assume it is. It seems to fit general conceptions about endangered species. But for all I know, the population might be increasing due to an ongoing conservation drive. Quite frankly, I haven't done the research.

I think my internal conflict about the tweet probably means that it's not thoughtless, even if it is offensive. My favourite part of it isn't anything to do with the concept or the message, but is rather the sound of the words: 'Jew Soap City'.

They sound good, especially as a punchline. I don't think it could really be adapted into stand-up, though. I'd have to explain all of the above considerations.

No-one wants to see that: a grown man, sweating on stage, desperately justifying himself, drowning in caveats.