Too long between posts. Much too long.
What have I been up to? What haven't I been up to!
To what have I not been up?
I have not been up to:
a) mischief
b) no good
c) my neck in something
d) the minute
e) scratch
f) Scotland
g) get lucky
I've come up with several ideas for this entry, but they all seem a bit facetious. The facetiousness may not be noticeable if you're reading this, but it's very evident to me. My teeth are gritted, and everything that's even remotely positive is sarcastic. Sarcasm can power through gritted teeth if it's concentrated enough. It's like radiation. You can measure it with one of those Ghostbusters clickysticks.
I have a small ball.
Let's deal with that.
It's a football, but a small one. A miniature version of a big football. I won it in a prize draw for the 2010 World Cup. That was three years ago.
That was three years ago.
I've been kicking it around our flat for the past few days, with some breaks. It has improved my close control and my mental state. I'm the best in the world at what I do, and what I do is dribble a small ball around a pillar.
I can do complicated flicks and step-overs; I can ricochet passes at a variety of angles, from a variety of cupboards; I can curl the ball around the curve of our sofa, avoiding the coffee table. I can annoy our downstairs neighbour.
Who needs grass when you have badly-cut laminate flooring?
Sometimes I'll miscue and shatter a portrait of a Ming vase, but it's a small price to pay.
I couldn't do any of it with a full-sized ball. A full-sized ball would make the kitchen a death trap. But a small ball is fine. It's good to kick a small ball into the kitchen when Lucy is cooking a hot meal. Scalding is good. Ambulances are good. Skin grafts are good.
The new Premier League season is starting soon, so I'm going to buy a cricket bat.
***
I came up with a new character the other day. It's not one of those ones that's nothing more than a stupid play on words. It's a fully-fledged character, with his own internal life, complex morality and compelling back story. In fact, his name isn't important. The character could thrive even if it had no name, like that cowboy one.
Names are nominal. That's literally what nominal means.
Look past the label, and see what's in the jar. Don't judge a book by its Wikipedia entry.
My new character is something new, and something exciting.
"Fab" Rick Softener
His full name (not that it's important) is Fabulous Richard Softener, but he prefers "Fab" Rick Softener.
It's not important why he's called that, other than illustrating his character. He's the kind of person who would have a name like he does have.
He's complicated, because part of his name is in inverted commas. Also, he lives in America.
I'm trying not to give away too many details.
(He's not Chinese, if that's what you're thinking.)
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