Endorsement

Do you ever wonder why you read this blog?

Do you ever read this blog at all?

Do you visit every now and then, read the first couple of lines, and then feel dispirited/disgusted/violated?

Well, perhaps this testimony will let you know just how lucky you are to be here:

That pretty much says it all, I think.

I don't even know who this guy is, or how he found out about me. Perhaps the Hilton Hotel in Stockton, California gives complementary print-outs of my blog to all its residents.

I suppose there's a tiny, negligible, one-in-a-million chance that he's not talking about me, but about someone with the same name.

But I don't buy it. It's clearly me.

Let's run it down.

"Paul is an exceptional entrepreneur."

Check. Tick. Affirmative. I am.

You just need to look at this blog to realise that. I've broken new ground in writing about things that don't mean anything. I also have my own hat. I've come up with many incredible business ideas, such as the convex bath and the Naan of the Above restaurant chain. Technically, they don't "exist" as such, but the genius is still there.

"a good friend of mine"

Well, as I said, I've never actually met him. But I'm sure I am a good friend of his. As one of my readers, you probably feel like we're friends. There's an intimacy that comes with reading someone else's personal bullshit.

Also, I imagine most of my readers are people I'm actually friends with, who feel compelled to read this out of personal obligation.

But the blogger/blog-reader relationship is as deep and profound a friendship as any - more so, in fact, than army buddies, husband and wife, or people who have been held hostage in the same fridge.

"someone that produces results"

Ding.

You can see the results I've produced smeared all over your screen.

618 blog posts.
9376 tweets.
Over a dozen Facebook friends.
The complete 60s Spider-Man cartoons on DVD.

RESULTS.

"I have learned so much from Paul..."

As have you all. I've always considered myself a teacher first, and a blogger second. I'm not saying I'm a saint for doing it. Whenever someone has that level of wisdom, it's their DUTY to share it. If I can encourage even one underprivileged kid to go to university of cook their own flan, I'll be happy.

"...through his information, through his expertise, and his internet know-how"

I think that bears repeating. 

"...through his information, through his expertise, and his internet know-how"

He MUST be talking about me. He MUST.

"If you are currently struggling in your business, and you are seeking to take yourself to the next level, so that your business will follow, Paul Fung Is. Your. Guy."

At this stage, I'd like to say that if anyone has any questions about business, or would like me to advise them on how improve yourselves, please do get in touch. I'll be happy to help with any queries.

I haven't got any proven business acumen per se, but I'm sure I can offer some handy tips. For example, my blog post didn't use to have a poll asking people to choose their favourite liquids. But I had the idea, and it has sent my visitor traffic THROUGH THE ROOF (of the rabbit hutch).

I am your guy. And for a small fee, I could turn you from a second-stringer to a... whatever the next stage up from that is. A minute-stringer.

"Paul Fung produces results..."

We've been through this already, but it's important to hammer that point home.

"...he's awesome..."

I'm flattered, I really am. It's great to have a stranger understand me so completely. No wait... not a stranger. A FRIEND. A close, close friend.

"...and Paul, I appreciate you so much..."

Aw, thanks man. I appreciate you too. Are you still coming to mine for Christmas?

"Paul - you rock. Thank you."

*sniff* Sorry. I think I have something in my eye...

So there you have it. I've never known anyone sum me up so well.

I genuinely think that's a lovely endorsement, even if it isn't for me. (It must be for me though, right?)

I'm not in any way making fun of that guy. He's a great pitch man. I'm going to periodically watch that, just to make me feel better about myself.

The description under the video reads as following:

"Absolutely. Not only is Paul Fung a phenomenal family man, he finds the time to assist other marketers and developing entrepreneurs to expand their internet expertise. His character speaks volumes... more importantly Paul Fung simply rocks!"

Most of that has been covered already. He points out that I'm a phenomenal family man. I don't know if he means that I am phenomenal in the field of family men, or that I have a phenomenal family. Either one of those is true.

My character speaks volumes. You know this to be the case. There's a video of me below that shows me singing in at least three different volumes and four different characters.

The main thing I like about the description is that it starts with him saying "Absolutely!". People don't usually start paragraphs like that. The word is usually said in response to something. But this guy is so confident, he wants "absolutely" to be the first thing we see, just so there's no confusion.

I feel so good about myself right now.

Thank you edledgard. (At first I thought he had a weird name - Edle D. Gard - but I suppose it's probably Ed Ledgard). He's posted other videos, but I don't want to watch them. I couldn't bear it if he was similarly enthusiastic about anything other than Paul Fung. Which means me. And not somebody else with the same, pretty common, name.

Do you think it would be weird if I travelled all the way to Stockton to thank him? I could turn up at reception and ask for him.

"Is Edle Gard there, please?"

"Excuse me?"

"TAKE ME TO EDLE GARD!"

We could hug. He could give me a complimentary suite. We could talk about the old days.

Would that be weird? I don't think it would be weird. I'm buying a plane ticket.

Oh, and if edledgard happens to find this, thank you sir. I'd be happy to return the favour by talking enthusiastically about you and, to a lesser extent, all the other Edle Gards that might be googling themselves late at night.

***

My name is Paul Fung by the way. You probably need to know that, or this post doesn't work.