I'll Be Seeing You In All The Old Familiar Places

It was misty this morning. So misty I couldn't see my hands in front of my face. Because they were at my sides.

It was a real pea-souper. I felt like I was living in a Victorian thicket. By the time I'd reached an object, it was no longer relevant. Lampposts were irrelevant. Dogs were irrelevant. Elephants were irrelevance.

I tried on my night-vision goggles, but they were useless. It was the daytime.

Then I tried on my knight-vision goggles.

Mead everywhere.

I blundered into a joust, beheaded several potential foes, and clanked about like a dishwasher. When I finally took off the goggles, I realised that I faced police charges and would have to jettison my lance.

I tried on my tight-vision goggles, but they hurt my head and I became too frugal to purchase replacements.

I gave my Isle-of-Wight-vision goggles a try. Everywhere I looked, there were The Needles. And hundreds of disappointed drug addicts. And one ambitious seamstress.

Finally, I tried on my gammon-vision goggles. They didn't rhyme, but provided a sense of comfort that only thick, rubbery bacon can provide.

I put all the goggles in my goggle-satchel, and made my way to work by tying my skateboard to a blind man, and getting towed along like Marty McFly.

***

I just stumbled across this, from Dec 14 last year:

Of course, the question is, what will I be doing in a year's time?

Probably writing a defensive rebuttal to the 2008 Me explaining that although 2009 was the year I lost all my friends and became homeless, I'm still living a full life vicariously through the marionettes I've made from cigarette butts and rat-hair.

Well, 2009 Paul, I just want to say: you have my full, misplaced confidence. After all, this is a team game. I, 2007 Paul and 2006 Paul are all behind you.

(2005 Paul didn't want to join in. Twat.)
I'll answer him now, in case I forget between now and Monday 14th. I assume nothing much will have changed before then (cue plane crash, lesbian wedding, road trip to Knoxville, and many other life-changing occurrences).

Well, I'm not homeless. Which is a plus.

I was thinking that I'm in the same place as last year. But in truth, I've done some good stuff in the past year. The main thing is, I've done stand-up on quite a few occasions. I'm quite pleased with that.

I think I need to kick things into high-gear for next year, though. I should do more stand-up. And maybe steal a boat.

Whaddaya say, 2010 Paul? Did we win the World Cup? Did you break any bones? Did you start referring to yourself as 'The Iron Pilgrim'?

I'll meet you back here in a year.