Break

This July is on course to beat my all time lowest number of blog posts in a month. It's good to know that, even at my age, I can still break new ground.

I'm feeling low. It's not new. I've been low for a while. On the plus side, it's good to be close to the ground if there's a fire. Smoke travels up. That's why happy people are always the first to die. And that's why each generation is sadder than the last. Simple Darwinism.

But let's not dwell in the dark like some common cave painting. Life is full of about five good things.

Here is one of them.

Andy Daly is a very funny comedian, of whom I first became aware through the excellent Comedy Bang Bang podcast, where he plays multiple characters, sometimes simultaneously.

His TV show Review is really funny. It's a great premise (apparently taken from an Australian series - huh), and Daly's performance is fantastic. Each episode involves him reviewing an aspect of life. Here he is reviewing addiction:



You see? Life's not so black and dour as it sometimes always is.

A moth just landed on my computer screen. It didn't seem interested. Probably because moths prefer fonts specifically designed for moths. Like Wingdings (moths have wings). Or Arial (moths are aerial - spelled differently, but...).

I finished Anna Karenina. It was very good. I particularly liked the bit where Levin cut grass. But that's everyone's favourite bit.

I also read Jon Ronson's The Psychopath Test, which was thoroughly readable. I'm not sure if I learned anything, though. I don't think I'm a psychopath because I'm paralysed with empathy for the entire human race. I think they're all idiots, but I'm deeply sad about their idiocy. For their sake, not mine.

At some point last season, I questioned my decision to base my mental well-being on the fortunes of Southampton Football Club. But I did base them on it. And it paid off. We had our best season ever.

Now, we're selling all of our players, and as each one goes, I feel like another piece of my SANITY IS SLIPPING AWAY! HA! How about that? My face is red now! Silly boy! Watching it all crumble! The sand that I built my house upon has been auctioned off to fill a dozen Scouse egg-timers and now there's nothing to keep the rain off! Ha! Funny, funny, funny.

You have to laugh.

Maybe I'm hungry. That might be it. I could have some Weetabix. That'll make up for everything that's happened.

Oh.

We didn't have any Weetabix. So I was forced to eat Waiterbix.

Two dessicated waiter husks, in milk. At one point, a bow-tie caught in my throat and I nearly passed out.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Please don't make me go.

You may well not be reading this on the day I'm writing it. Luckily, that plea is applicable all year round.

My main facial expression these days is "disgusted". I don't know what I'm disgusted with. Electrons? Electrons make me retch. And make me wretch.

Me wretch. You Jane. Electrons bad.

It's late at night, OK? This is fine. I used to do this in the old days: stay up late, hopped up on waiter cereal, rambling into the abyss.

I haven't felt like this since the night Buddy Holly died.

Hey, Monday is nearly over! You know what that means!



I'm going to breathe into a paper bag until sun-up.