It's All Good

This Onion story reminded me of me:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-on-cusp-of-having-fun-remembers-every-single-o,32632/

Yeah. That's pretty much how it goes.

We went to see Daniel Kitson last night. I don't really have anything to say about it. We laughed. We got a Chinese takeaway on the way back. We ate it. We went to sleep. We slept it. We woke up. We wept it. We floored. We swept it. We found. We kept it. We discovered the truth, but would never accept it.

It's a strange time to be alive. 13:40. What is that - lunchtime? Mid-afternoon? It doesn't make sense. Nothing does.

I thought I had a stockpile of interesting blog topics. But I can't remember what any of them were. The Onion article was one thing. And the Game of Thrones/Mad Men discussion, but I've already done that below. Was there something else?

Have I been thinking about anything? Surely I have. Surely.

I'll get some coffee. That will remind me. It will be like an interrogation. Whenever a suspect is threatened with a pot of scalding coffee, they always remember where they hid the diamonds.

Caffeine is a beautiful black aide-mémoire. It clears away the cobwebs and dilates the pupils. The blind shall see. The forgetful will remember. The tired will walk. The lame will flinch.

Coffee.

I should work in advertising. I wish I didn't have to keep telling people that, but I still don't work in advertising. What's a guy got to do?

***

There. Coffee. No more tears. And a Twix. 

Eugh. Some tears now. I had "stuff" to do, and let a third of my coffee go cold. I drank it anyway, because I spent my soft-earned money on it. Eugh. Cold coffee isn't as nice as cold other things. Eugh.

Speaking of eugh, we saw The Hobbit on Blu-ray at the weekend. It is a bad film. Eugh. Bad. It made me realise how good the LOTR films were. Bad film. Bad Peter Jackson! Bad! Eugh.

But enough of my cutting-edge cultural analysis. I'm not a film critic. I don't have any stars or thumbs to offer.

What I really want to talk about is...

No. That didn't work. I thought if I took myself by surprise, something might happen.

What I really want to talk about is oars.

Yep. Oars.

Lion rowers often have good roarsmanship.

!!

SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I'M JUST TRYING SOMETHING NEW.

Of course, this isn't new. I've been doing it for years. Literally years.

I've got this song in my head, and have done for a while.



It's about a girl who's good.

Though it sounds like the singer (Jermaine?) is trying to convince himself.

She's good, she's good, she's good to me. 

Nice one, Jermaine. There's nothing women like more than qualifying statements. The subtitle of this song should be 'Your Mileage May Very'.

She's good, she's good. I mean, she's... good. Yeah. Good. 

Not amazing or anything. 

But good. Really, definitely, totally, pretty good.

Decent.

She's fine.

As far as I'm concerned.

She's... well... I mean what does 'good' mean anyway? It's all subjective.

She's not bad, anyway. I can say that with confidence.

She's definitely not bad.

To me, at least.

She might be bad to you. I'm not your keeper. Who knows how you'll react to her?

But, as far as I'm concerned, she's definitely largely good.

Oh, I'm talkin' about that girl. Just in case there was any confusion.

Let's just agree to disagree. You say tomatoes are bad. I say they're good.

They're good.

They're good.

They're good, if ripe.

***

That was an adventure. If you didn't listen to the song, you won't have got the most out of that. If you didn't listen to the song, maybe you should go back and listen to it now. It's fairly short.

Of course, you might not have any speakers or headphones. Or you might be reading this on a mobile device in the silent carriage of a library train. That's OK. You probably got 40% of what I was talking about. That's a decent percentage. You don't have to beat yourself up about it.

Tune in next time for a celebration. Bring your party hats and your party scarves, because it's going to be off the hook and chain. Did someone say EIGHT HUNDRED?

Someone did.