Bun

I'm thinking of taking a puppet show to Edinburgh next year. The puppet will be an anthropomorphic Irish rockstar bread roll called Bunno.

Like Bono, but a bun.

Yes, it would be better if he was called Buno. The double-n makes it look wrong. But people might think it was pronounced like Juno. Boo-no isn't funny.

I think I'll get around it by not writing his name on the poster. Bunno works just fine when said out loud.

Bunno.

He'll have sunglasses and a goatee beard, because that's what Bono looked like when I was last paying attention.

I haven't worked out the content of the show. Will he sing? Will there be baked-goods versions of the other members of U2, like The Edge and whoever the other ones are? Possibly.

I'll do the voice. I can do a passable (and not at all offensive) Irish accent, though I've never properly tried ventriloquism. I'm sure I can work it out by next summer.

I'm just workshopping the idea.

Me: Hi Bunno!

Bunno: Hi Paul! 'Tis a fine day and no mistake!

M: How are you?

B: Grand! I've just written a new song!

M: Is it about buns?

B: ... Yes.

M: Hey Bunno, I know you've done a lot of work for charity, but do you feel that some of your behaviour when it comes to tax evasion makes you a bit of a hypocrite?

B: Well Paul, that's a good question. Of course you're associating me with the musician Bono, even though I am clearly a bun. It's understandable. I have the goatee and the accent after all. But I'm happy to answer your question in his place.

Accusations of hypocrisy can be dangerous. Obviously, no-one likes a double standard. And yet there are differences between the ideals and the behaviour of everyone. No-one is perfect, ta be sure now! 

There's a real risk that fear of hypocrisy can stifle changes in behaviour. People are put off from trying to make a difference because they're worried their own faults will be cast in sharp relief.

It leads to a situation where a multimillionaire rock star who does nothing for charity, and lives a life of ostentatious selfishness is somehow treated with more respect than those who aspire to goodness but fall short of their own high standards.

My human namesake is at least trying to make the world a better place. He should be lauded for that. It would be easy for him to become complacent with his politics, just as he is with his TERRIBLE music. But he's out there. You might argue with his approach, but you can't deny that he's using his prominence to initiate change.

M: That's very interesting, Bunno. I'd never thought of it that way.

B: Of course you hadn't, ya eejit!

M: Bunno?

B: Yes?

M: Do you think your friendliness with the Pope might get you upgraded to a hot cross bun?

B: I... what does that even mean?

M: Because of... (MUTTERING) because of buns.

[ENTER A BAGUETTE VERSION OF LARRY MULLEN JR]

Larry: You had to look up my name on Wikipedia, didn't you?

M: ... Yes.

***

Obviously, it needs a bit of honing.

Good old Bunno.

The title of this post, "Bun", is also a pun on the U2 song "One".

One, pun, bun.

I'm taking the rest of the day off.